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Jun 23rd

5 Examples of Irresponsible Drinking Gone Terribly Awry

When was the last time you got so drunk you vomited? For me, about three weeks ago. Relax, I’m not even 40 yet, I still have decades of irresponsibility to burn through before I settle in and start making wise decisions.

That said, I’m not that great of a drinker, which is why, until a few weeks ago, I spent two years mostly avoiding it. Don’t worry, I’ve stopped again, for more reasons than I can even count. It’s been a weird few weeks. It’s a brief retelling of some of the unpleasant situations I’ve found myself
replica Michael Kors handbags in over the years thanks to drinking. To make it even more permanent, I talked about the exact same thing on this week’s Unpopular Opinion podcast .

Lahna Turner (Perfect 10 podcast) and
cheap Michael Kors fancy pants art guy Randall Maynard. So, let’s get to it, I guess.

5. The Python IncidentSo here’s a funny story. It was the night before my dad’s funeral, I was 17 years old, and dammit, it seemed like the right time to start drinking (well, drinking again; more on that later). So that’s
replica Michael Kors handbags what I decided to do. This would, literally, mark the second time I’d ever consumed alcohol in my entire life. I was living with a cousin at the time. We opted for vodka and orange juice. Like I said, power drinking was mostly a foreign concept
cheap Michael Kors to me at this point.

Power drink we did, though. Oh! I also smoked weed for the first time that night. It was a bit much, I admit. Otherwise completely the same.

Honestly, the story is dark enough already, right? You caught the funeral part, I’m assuming. Well, don’t worry, it’s not all sad. There’s also a healthy amount of terror, too!

See, the cousin I was living with had a snake. A pet snake. A python. It was fucking gigantic and, for reasons I’ll never understand, he just let that motherfucker roam around the house freely. I remember being in the bathroom once, getting things done, if you know what I mean, when my cousin pounds on the door and says, "Dude, the snake is in there, be careful."

Wait, what? I didn’t see a snake. The bathroom wasn’t that big if there was a snake somewhere on the floor . and that’s when I thought to look up.

So, let’s go back to me drinking vodka until I passed out in front of my cousin’s toilet. When I woke up, I immediately realized I had a problem. The watch on my left hand, which was practically in my face when I opened my eyes, revealed the time to be 10:43 am. My father’s funeral was at 11 am. This gave me approximately 17 minutes to gussy up and get to the saddest day of my life.
Michael Kors handbags Exactly the kind of thing you want to be in a rush to get to.

It wasn’t until I turned my head to the right, though, that I realized I had a way bigger problem. Sitting approximately three feet from my face, likely having the same thoughts as when we met before, except this time about a booze filled brunch, was that fucking python."Where else would I be, the jungle?"

I’m afraid the rest of the story is kind of anticlimactic. There isn’t a whole lot else you can do in that situation except stand up and hope you’re able to out leap a snake’s desire to kill you. So, I did that and, as you can tell, I didn’t die.

In case you’re wondering, I made it to the funeral with seconds to spare!

4. A Night at the Pepsi Truck

David
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cheap Michael Kors handbags outlet McNew/Getty Images News/Getty Images

So, remember how I mentioned that the previous story was my second experience
Michael Kors handbag outlet with alcohol? Let’s talk about the first.

There’s something to be said for being the cool parent, and that something is: don’t be. Kids don’t need that shit.

I had a firsthand run in with a "cool mom" at the age of 14. Let’s call her Jenny, because she wouldn’t want me to use her real name (Penny), but Jenny rhymes with it fairly well. It’s more for my benefit than anything.

So! One day, Penny gathers up me and two friends, one of them being her son. Despite none of us having ever inquired about such a thing, she told us that, if we were going drink, she’d rather we do it at her place instead of going out and getting in trouble. With that, she produced six bottles of malt liquor, two for each of us.Articles Connexes:

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